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As of May 2009, there are over 200 million people on Facebook. Whoa, a whole bunch of people, you may say. Well… you’re right. The trouble with Facebook is this: many people open profiles so they could chase other people. Yeah, that’s right. Believe it or not, that is.

Take, for example, my (female) neighbour. Let’s call her Emma. Whoops, that’s her real name… we’ll call her Hellen. Just forget the previous name mentioned here, and you’ll be fine. Anyway, Hellen had a boyfriend two years ago. Trust me, you don’t want to know the whole story… unless you want to die young, which you probably don’t. Well, this blog is not intended for masochists. Hmmm, what was I writing about? Emm… Hellen, right.

Hellen had a boyfriend two years ago. (It seems like this sentence is already in the post? Doesn’t matter anyway.) They broke up and then ended up together once again, but the second try was only a one – night stand. As it usually happens. As of 22th December, 2008, they’re both on Facebook. When… Hellen logs on to her Facebook profile, one of the first things she does is view her ex’s profile, and see what’s new with him. Obsessive behavior? It looks like it. She scans his profile for all little hinty things that may signal a new girl is on the horizont for him. He changes his profile picture pretty often, and every profile picture has him and at least two girls in it. Of course, Hellen doesn’t like what she sees there, but she keeps looking.

Ah – there it is! A status update! Why not drop a line there, so it will just magically click in his mind that she’s still into him. After all, that’s what Facebook is all about, right? So she drops a lame comment on his status update, and everything he does is write up a fine reply, with no other actions. Damn, what a bastard! How could he just ignore her?

But, all is not lost! Hellen keeps up looking at her online friends when on Facebook, and the moment her ex comes online, she just logs off and literally escapes from Facebook. Well, that’s a much stronger signal for him, because, isn’t he going to just notice that she disconnected the moment he came to Facebook? Sure, he will. Don’t worry. Next time she logs on, she finds him online, too. After three minutes or so, he disconnects. What the hell happened? He ran away! What a male whore! He must be waiting for her to connect and then just disappear. After all, she is his ex girlfriend, and thus a central part of his world, besides all other girls he was with in the meantime.

What happens next, is the party in the local club. Hellen arrives there with her female friends, and has a pretty good time scattering through the club and greeting all her friends who are already there. Half an hour later, I arrive with my group. We get seriously drunk, and the next thing I (remember to) see – her with some anonymous idiot, doing… you get it. Luckily for her, it was just another one – night stand. I don’t have a bare idea why I wrote this local club episode, because it turns out that it has nothing to do with the main story. Who knows, maybe it’s useful to know that I got seriously drunk that night. Whatever.

The party I actually wanted to tell you about, is just another 18th birthday party. Those are the real pain – just a bunch of kids getting drunk to death, pretending to be… Colin Farrell? Why not. Hellen arrives at the party with her (female, of course) friends and with her sister. As expected, her ex is already there, striking up a bottle of Jack Daniel’s with his fellow classmates. Somewhere during the night, two of them take a photo together, and it ends up the next day as his profile picture on Facebook. Finally! But – don’t stand still! It gets removed after about… 15 hours. (No, I won’t cite her this time. It’ll be nicer without the citation.) Worse yet, it gets back on Facebook after a couple of days – cropped! This time, only her ex is in the picture, but not her. Hmmm, who is he hugging in this picture? We don’t know. Hellen, at this point, doesn’t have a clue what to do, and what’s actually happening. Isn’t he going just to ask her again out, besides the fact that they broke up 2 years ago? So what? That’s not a long time, anyway.

Nevertheless, she decides to take up the initiative once again. Here’s another desperate status update. Let’s cheer him up a little bit. Another comment gets its way. All he does is completely the same – he thanks her for her cheerful words and doesn’t ask her out. Again. The next thing Hellen does is – nothing. “If he doesn’t do anything about the two of us, I won’t either. I did a lot to spark the whole thing once again, but he obviously doesn’t want it again. Well, I’ll just get over it, and continue with my life. He’s an imbecile, anyway.”

And there ends our story. Sad, but true. The reason I wrote this story is because Hellen is a perfect example of a person who worships Facebook as a magical thing. Many people entertain the idea that Facebook can solve all of their relationship problems, and skyrocket their social life in general. The truth is – that’s just not going to happen. You’ll have to get offline and try out something in the real world. As simple as that. It’s sad but true – many people don’t use Facebook for what it’s intended to be used. Bastards. Aren’t they?

Really, there is a group of people who literally enjoy looking at every single picture a desired person has posted, hoping that they’ll see something significant for them. But that’s not the point of Facebok. It really isn’t. Facebook is just another web site you use to connect with people you care (or don’t care) about. Connect, not form a love relationship with them using that web site. You’ll have to do that part offline. Unfortunately.

Many people will analyze over and over again that newest status update a desired person has posted, wondering who is that status update dedicated to. Come on, those are just the lyrics from Don’t Forget Me. They don’t have to be associated with anyone, you know. The person posting the lyrics may have just heard that song on the radio while trying to sleep, and then decided to put the lyrics up just for the sake of the song. It’s very unlikely that they have to do with someone in particular. Most of the time, that is.

I hope that this post illustrated you some of the most common misuses of Facebook, and showed you what not to do when you log in to see what’s new with the people you care about. This post was intended as a manual, though, but it ended up as a true story, which happens to tell so much about the today’s teen generations. It’s up to you to make a point about all this… or continue stalking people out there on Facebook. Good luck!

Once again. After all, it feels good to be back… again. I won’t get into the details here, it’s very likely that you don’t care about the reasons. The thing that’s important is that I’m once again up in the… um… blogosphere? Let’s call it that name. I like it. (I may not like that in a couple of days, but, what the hell?)

As you can see (don’t worry, you probably don’t, but pretend that you do, after all), this web site has a completely new, redesigned face. I know, it’s much darker than previous versions, but it’s good to change radically sometimes, isn’t it? Well, I don’t care anyway.

This time, though, I decided to put up some (relatively) useful stuff so people could actually have a resons to come back here. It’s not that I’m trying to become popular (though, that may happen at some point in the future, right?), but I do have a few ideas I would like to pass to others.

Now, don’t expect tons of high quality material, because that just won’t happen. At least initially. I’m going to gradually add new (useful, right?) content, so you don’t feel overloaded with new stuff rolling out. Of course, what I find useful doesn’t have to be useful to someone else, but, again, I don’t care. I don’t care if you’re hermaphrodite, anyway. Go talk to your mother if you have that kind of issues. Really, your mom can take care of you. Try it. (Don’t leave the outcome in the comments, though. No, really. Don’t.)